I now understand Arthur Kade

For some time now, my uncle, the best-selling author of the Imponderables series of books and all-around stand up guy, has been obsessed with one particular blog for some time now, namely the blog of Arthur Kade. Both my uncle and I discovered Kade's website through one of our mutual favorite websites on the internet, Hot Chicks With Douchebags, which correctly described him as one of the biggest douchebags of all time.

When you first go there, within five minutes you will discover three things:

1. Arthur often writes about things that no one would ever care about, except that his intense douchebaggery comes through even when describing completely inane things like his daily eating routines, and so it becomes easy to mock him.

2. He is delusional a la Patrick Bateman in American Psycho. He believes that all women find him gorgeous and that he has a marketable look and voice. In truth, he has a ridiculous nose and hair style, one of the most annoying voices I've ever heard (and I'm saying this as someone who has heard tons of bad auditions for voice over gigs), and women that he tries to hit on at clubs routinely go on the site and comment on how weird he is and how incorrect he is about how much they like him.

3. His shoulders are enormous.

Now, I looked through the site, being amazed at the douchiness, but tired of it quickly and now only go there every so often. On the other hand my uncle, and quite a number of others based on the blog's comments, have become obsessed with Arthur Kade, going to his site every day, leaving detailed comments and describing the posts as "great" and "unbelievable." Heck, my uncle recently declared Arthur Kade's blog his favorite site on the internet!

So why all the love for a two-bit delusional tool who posts once a day about things you'd be bored to hear about from your friends, much less a douchebag stranger? Last night, while watching his "dance" practice videos for an upcoming audition, it dawned on me.

Many of the douchebags on Hot Chicks With Douchebags are really just posing, dressing up and preening for the ladies at night while likely going back to menial office work by day. Are they still ridiculous? Of course. But if you sat down with them at dinner as a close friend or family member, away from the ladies and the cameras, they might be jerks, but they wouldn't be doing the kissy lips or talking like they were hip hop stars or flashing fake hand signs. Well, unless they were from New Jersey.

But Arthur Kade is somehow able to clearly be a douchebag even during boring events, and during events where there wouldn't be a camera, like his dance practice or gym workout, he makes sure to have one present. And the thing is, he doesn't have most of the ridiculous douchebag qualities. He doesn't wear his hats at a ten-degree tilt or pose with shades on in a club. He's from Philadelphia, not New Jersey. He doesn't flash stupid hand signs or try to claw women in every picture he's in. He just is....a complete tool; it's in his blood. Indeed, there will never be a more natural douchebag than Arthur Kade.

And there's something remarkably comforting about that, knowing that no matter how hard you try or how hard you might fall down the hole of douchebaggery, there is someone there that can't pick themselves up and recover and become an upstanding guy. There is someone out there who is, for lack of a better phrase, born to be douche. You will never be the biggest scrote; Arthur Kade already is.

So, I understand why Arthur Kade is so popular. He makes you feel good about yourself. No amount of therapy or snide commentary will be able to help him, so you can jest all you want with no consequences. And, because he is the most natural douchebag of them all, it's like watching Tiger Woods play in golf; it's fun and exciting to watch the clear master of something at work.

Personally, I don't feel a pressing urge to go mock Arthur Kade at every turn; I don't feel that down and out. But if I ever get depressed, or I feel guilty about doing something mean or insensitive to another person, I know where I can turn to realize that there's someone out there worse than me. So thank you, Arthur Kade. Thank you.